Taper Geeks
from Primitive Phish Anthropology, by Christopher D. McGourty


The uninitiated are also well-advised to avoid "schoepsi schoepsi maxellus", more widely known as the Common Taper Geek. Taper Geeks usually travel without female companions (as few are psychologically able to withstand more than several hours of unencoded, non-binary speech), but converge almost mystically to erect small forests of aluminum poles once their destination is reached.

Once his forest territory has been marked, it is considered unadvisable to approach the Taper Geek, although few of them are equipped for any sort of physical confrontation. One can readily identify schoepsi maxellus by its clenched jaw and sphincter, both of which tighten exponentially as the 8 p.m. hour approaches. Other distinguishing traits include thick spectacles, Docker slacks, and fanny packs.


If concealed in the brush, schoepsi maxellus makes its presence known by its unmistakable mating call: "Shhhhhhhh"


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